I avoided work

Oooh, I've got a sore back, bought it for a feather.  It's so sore you could slice lemons with it, and squeeze them and use the juice to make a cake.  Then you could take that cake down to the landing bay and present it to the empress of my heart when she steps off the shuttle.
"How's the mothership?"
"Oh, everything's fine."
"And your back?"
"Fine too."
"Mine's sore."
"I'm sorry to hear it.  I'm the empress of your heart though.  Is that cake?"
"Yes it is.  Would you like some?"
"I'd love some.  Is it lemon cake?"
"It is."
"Did you squeeze the lemons with your sore back?"
"Cut and squeezed, just the way you like it."
"Hmmm!  It's delicious!"

And so like that, I avoided work.