Cheers

It was because the lions took over that I eventually retreated with my wife and three children to the mountains. We lived in a half-cave for thirteen years then moved to a high rise which had been built upon the plain. The lions could not work the lifts and so we were safe. We manufactured weapons on the fourteenth floor and used the guns to shoot any prowling emporers. I remember once when my youngest son was ten. He took a pistol from me and shot a hyena square between the eyes. The hyena was two miles away at the time. I gave my son a medal, a gold one, for his sharp shooting. I'm so proud of my youngest son.

My eldest child is also a son. Of him I am not proud. He has become a wildlife conservationist and a peace activist. Such things sicken me and my wife. We have disowned this child but the humiliation is already complete. I am no longer welcome at the club. I hate this boy, I hate him so.

Save me.

The hour is set. There are fifteen women hanging around the guard posts. Do you hear anything? No, I thought you wouldn't. There are no sounds, this is a soundless environment. James is trained in the art of bohemia. A million bats are squealing silently. They use a wonderful new system called x-ray. There are fifteen Rays and they are all clamouring for fish and chips. There is one Stevie and he wants a Haggis supper. Fair play to Steve, fair play to Steve. What do you say?

Man, a thousand years ago I drifted in this room of wood panels, dried flowers and a burned out piano. New Art was everywhere, the place stank of it. A minstrel played ditties in the corner and in the fridge a million beers were cooling. My friend, himself an artist, embarked upon a journey to self sacrifice and a fiefdom of knives. We talked about a girl with perfect legs and her skin shone through the ages. They are still strong in my memory, for such beautiful, flawless skin can only exist two or three times in a generation. I am lucky to have witnessed her.

Thankyou.

Sitting beneath a great oak tree I realised the source of wood for the coming winters. I immediately got to work with a chainsaw and an axe. Soon the beast was tamed and my children and I were warm for seven winters.

Thankyou.

Walking the dog I realised the source of food. I killed the pet and my family and I ate him. The meat was foul but nutritious. We had beans with it.

Thankyou.